30 Black Female Leaders You Should Know About

Today it occurred to me that one reason why I eat so much is …

wait for it…

wait for it…

CONTROL
Yes ~ control!  Sounds weird, but follow me.

With most things in my life, I don’t feel as if I have any control over it.  I know I do ultimately, but there is always some type of caveat that goes along with most decisions I have to make from day to day.  If my girlfriends decided they wanted to take a weekend trip to Vegas, I’d need to ask my dad… er, husband before I could even think about packing up and going.  If I wanted to buy a two seater car, that would be completely out of the question with my family of five.  I feel as if all day everyday I am yielding to the control of others.  At work.  At home.  With clients. In business. Period.

But with food.  *I* determine when I want to eat (which unfortunately is all the darn time);  where I want to eat (sushi please… no wait italian.  uhm soul food… yea!);  why I eat (a girls night out… the sun is shining… i’m black… any reason will due);  and how much I want to eat (and dear Lord, when I’m cooking I just pick and pick and pick).

So it is possible that while many are believed to eat because of a lack of control, it could be due to a desire to control.  Gonna have some oreo’s and milk and think about it… hey ~ it’s 1%

There have been many a holiday spent at my mother in laws house where visitors have just popped up, somewhat expectedly. Each time, either my guy or a member of his fam would say they’ve “know them forever”. Even my oldest brother in laws EX wife came over regularly and was always welcomed!

Being a military brat, and moving often, this was foreign to me! As a kid, I guess it never seemed important to make lifelong conections. But now, as an adult, I must say I’m envious of those connections! Mine go back only as far as jr. high/high school. Because of these feelings of disconnectedness I recently went on a quest to reconnect with folks via Facebook. It’s been riot seeing people from long ago and learning of how their lives have evolved. Looking through some of their old pictures though brought back that feeling of disconnectedness again though. Not so much trippin on the fact that i am in none of the pix (laughing) but just started wondering “do these people really remember me?”

Well at 41 I certainly can’t do anything about the past… But I can do something about the present. I’ve become sort of an ‘out of site out of mind’ person and that has got to change. I’m also much more apt to email someone, but realize that relastionships are strenghtened OFFLINE! Need to spend more time on the phone and face to face. That’s just what I’m gonna do!

This company has been a huge blessing to me .  First, I had been trying to be a full time designer for I don’t know how long.  This company gave me the ‘official’ title for (some) things I’d been doing for quite some time.  And now.  I’ve wanted to be a full time w@h employee for quite some time.  It’s not that I hate the office.  Though it has it’s quarks.  It’s just the distance had begun to wear on me AND my car.  Not to mention, I felt as if I had been missing out on some life things I shouldn’t be.

So… I know it.  I always did.  I bet you do too.  But I’m gonna say it anyway.

JESUS ANSWERS PRAYERS!

Recently on the FB group dedicated to the movie, it was asked ‘which couple are you most like’.  I began talking to my husband about it and he asked which couple I thought we were most like.  We ran down each nothing why or why we didn’t relate ~ Angela & Marcus:  I am in no way ‘Angela’… would never even have the nerve to be THAT boisterous LOL.  And Reg is by no mean Marcus, as all that madness would be intolerable.  Our only children are with each other, so baby momma drama does not exist.  They were the first couple we marked off the list.  Patricia & Gavin:  Sorry to say this but, they were my least favorite couple.  I love JJ but her acting was just… I can’t even explain it. And Malik is aw’ight… but I didn’t buy them as a couple AND their storyline was just the least interesting to me.  I didn’t connect.  Same with Jill/Mike/Troy… although I loved their story ~ who dosen’t want a foiiiine Sheriff on a white horse to save them? ha ha

So who is left?  Diane & Terry!  Their downfall is what I believe is the problem with a lot of couples – moving in different directions at different times; taking each other for granted; lack of communication… Yea, I know a lil something about all that! LOL  Fortunately, my husband agreed that this couple was the one that was most reflective of issues we’ve had to deal with.  Now… in all the advertising that has been going on, they rarely say what is currently going on with this couple… So I can’t wait to see this movie TONIGHT!

But… what excites me more, is a movement I see going on.  People, IMHO, seem to be getting a lil more interested in building and promoting strong marriages!  That really excites me.  I’ve been a long time fan of the website ‘Black & Married With Kids‘, which has been getting huge recognition lately in the media.  Just last night on the news, there was a feature story on a woman who was ‘tired of stories like ‘Desperate Housewives’ and others that made being a wife undesirable’… I totally agree and had to check out the website Happy Wives Club.  I immediately joined.  I’ve also seen countless Facebook groups and many twitter pages erected to promote healthy marriages, and bookmarked many websites promoting the same.  At my church, I’ve taken on the challenge to build a couples ministry and I’m VERY excited about that!

Movies like ‘Why Did I Get Married’ and part two – show that we are all in the same boat.  No matter the color, stage or marriage, education, etc ~ we ALL experience problems in our marriages.  Just by know that others have had to deal with the stuff we deal with gives me a level of comfort.  Knowing that many before us have overcome these issues gives me comfort.  Being able to share our experiences with others who may be going through similar makes me feel good.

The family unit is under attack.  Family starts with two loving, happy parents.  That is my desire for all couples.  And I am really excited to see and be a part of the [happy] Marriage Movement!

Now.

Lady GaGa.

Why is it that no one is up in arms about THIS hot mess?  That video, “Telephone” has no message, no meaning, I *guess* folks are trying to say it’s artistic.  I call it a hot mess!  Did I mention it’s a hot mess?  I’m not hating on GaGa – I think she has been masterful in commanding media attention (reminds me of Madonna back in the day).  I don’t care for her get’ups.  She’s not a horrible singer.  But I am far from a fan.  And this video solidified my thinking that this chick is simply distasteful!  Yet she has a huge following.  Hmm.  And no one is saying jack about this nonsense video.  ‘Cept India Arie… Go head India!

So it would seem, that overtly sexual videos are acceptable, while straight forward nudity is not.

I’m not gonna say it.

I refuse to say it.

I’m really trying not to say it.

..wonders if someone of the non-chocolate coloring would be under as much scrutiny…

I tried.  imjustsayin?!

Also check out:

• Brother Hannibal

Thursday morning, at 7:58 my cell phone rang.  I didn’t answer it.  I never do when I don’t recognize the number.  At 8:00 it rang again.  Same number.  I still didn’t answer it.  Surely they’d leave a message if it’s that important.  And I wanted to finish what I was doing, and meet a deadline.  I continued with my project, and a feeling came over me.  “What if something is wrong”.  The moment I thought it, the voice mail notification sounded.  I listened to it.  My good friend Ruby left me a message asking me to call her back as soon as I got the message.  She didn’t sound like herself.  I really needed to finish what I was doing.  But.  She didn’t sound like herself.

My return call was answered with tears.  I heard the words but didn’t believe them. (Still don’t.)   She said simply ‘John John died’.  I yelled so loud, I’m surprised I didn’t wake up my daughter.  All I could say was ‘What?!’.  She repeated it.  “My baby died”.  I still didn’t believe it.  I asked what happened, though it didn’t matter.  A young man, who I personally new and loved; who’s been friends with my baby for several years ~ was gone.

After speaking with Ruby my mind immediately went to my son.  At 14, a freshman in high school, he and John John were the only two freshman who were moved up to varsity for not only the playoffs, but for the forthcoming year.  The pair, now in the 9th grade, had been friends since the 2nd or 3rd.    Numerous sleepovers.  Countless arguments.  Best friends through and through.  At that age, I’d never had something so tragic to deal with.  Even in adulthood I haven’t.  I didn’t know what I’d say, nor how he’d take it.

I prayed for my entire 5 minute drive to the school.  As I parked, my mind went back to Ruby.  My heart broke again.  She lost her baby.  I had to tell my baby that he’d lost his friend.  About 12 feet in front of my car, I saw two men speaking with a young boy.  The boy, was my son.  The men were the coach and athletic director.  They had just pulled Aaron out of his class to tell him the news.  I got out of the car and called his name.  All three of them looked at me somberly.  They began walking toward me.  The expressions told me what they then verbalized – they’d told Aaron of the passing of his friend.

My plan was to take my son home and hug him up.  Hugs are no longer his style though.  I miss those days.  He was so deeply troubled and in a way, I could tell, the news hadn’t quite registered.  For some reason, I thought to ask if he wanted to go home.  He indicated he’d rather stay.  For some reason that made sense to me.  I left him there and headed over to the Chapman house.

I was scared as I approached the house that I’d driven to so many times before.  This time, it was surrounded by fire trucks, police and paramedics.  People were all over the lawn.  As I approached, I made eye contact with one lady and so I went to her.  She informed me that the coroner was about to remove the body.  Wow.  John, who was easily over 6ft tall, and definitely over 200lbs, looked so small.

We barricaded his mom so she wouldn’t have to see it, but then formed a circle around him to pray.  With our heads bowed Ruby lay against my arm sobbing and gripping my hand.  No mother.  No father.  No parent should have to see their child like this.

Inside the house, Ruby began to clean up… do laundry … do whatever she had to do to busy herself.  The telephone began to ring off the hook.  The oldest daughter had been taken to emergency earlier that morning, hyperventilating.  It was all surreal.  One of the most touching and sorrowing visions though, has been John, Sr.  Though friendly, he always kept to himself.  We always sat in a group together during the years of football.  He was chain smoking and undeniably beside himself.  Who wouldn’t be.  While people were clamoring around mom… dad usually stood off by himself staring at the ground and smoking.  A few days later when I hugged him again, I could feel he was still trembling.  My heart still aches.

My son, upon returning home that evening, was also undeniably shook.  He said the reality of it hadn’t hit him.  He began posting his thoughts, feelings, pain ~ on Facebook, which gave me some type of consolation.  I was glad to know that in his own way, he was getting it out.  Mourning.

That night, at the football field, was a vigil.  I was amazed at the number of people that showed up.  Johnathon has touched the lives of so many!  Not just his peers.  Not just sports fans.  But all kinds of people in the community.  85% in red ~ his favorite color.  He would have loved it.

The hardest part was listening to his sister recant the details of what had occurred that morning.  A story I don’t think I’ll ever forget.  A person I know I’ll never forget.

John John said (basically) that tomorrow is not promised.  Truer words have never been spoken!  John John, who had been an athlete the majority of his life, who was preparing for his treasured varsity football team, who made all his peers laugh right when they needed it ~ had an enlarged heart that ceased working sometime after his proclamation ~ ‘tomorrow is not promised’.

Rest in peace John John… I’ll miss you dearly,

Aaron’s mom…

I was handed the most beautiful lil baby girl.  And although I needed to be elsewhere and minutes prior was frantically preparing to leave ~ I was so caught up in how the baby attached herself to me that I found myself unable to leave her.  She put her adorable lil head in the crevice of my neck.  I knew she needed me so I couldn’t leave her even though I knew that whatever else I had to do was extremely important.  I held her and stared at the sun coming through a window big picture window.

The Reality

I woke up at 7:40.  My youngest (my baby) needed me to wake him up at 7:30 to get ready for school (important place I needed to be).  The last moments of my sleep were stressful as I transitioned from one level to another.  I was holding on to what I wanted… the comforts and warmth of my bed, with my pillow wedged comfortably under my neck. I was trying desperately to ignore the brightness that was penetrating the darkness of my eyelids.  Morning was definitely here.

For some reason, the images in the dream immediately registered as some Freudian version of my reality.  Ah well… Be it the dream or the reality – I sure am glad the Son woke me up this morning!

• I was hoping you could help me with some design.
• Can I get the friend/buddy/sista/brotha/saint (yea … truly it’s been said) discount?
• I was hoping you could hook me up.
• Oh yea sis, I will definitely pay your for your services, just know we are just starting out.

Or

• I’m going to pay you for ABC – but proceed to request the rest of the alphabets all the way up to and including XYZ!

For all these statements (and anything similar) translate into one thing.

“I want your services and don’t want to, or can’t pay you properly for them”.

And those days are o – v – e – r!  I’ve done my share of freebies, hook ups, assisting, etc.  No more.  My time is just as valuable as your funds are patna!

I mean think about it.  Do you go to the dentist and say ‘I need this root canal, but can you hook me up?”  Heck naw, and if you did, you will most assuredly be escorted to the next exit and they will be checking their laughing gas to see if there is a leak in the room.

Yea.  The very next time I hear a hint of anything less than an actual business interest… Let’s just say ‘buyer beware’ comes to mind!

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Now playing: Charlie Wilson – Supa Sexy (ft. T-Pain)
via FoxyTunes